i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize