Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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