Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
