I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
