I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize