Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
