there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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