Your dad touched me again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
