The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
