mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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