new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
