She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
