my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
