is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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