I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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