You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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