My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
