Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
