based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
