I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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