Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
