I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
