just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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