If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
