I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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