mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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