he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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