My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize