dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
