so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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