this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
