he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
