i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
