you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize