ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
