And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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