I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
