he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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