i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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