Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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