I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
