You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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