OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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