Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
