I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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