the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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