1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am spending my child support on dildos
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
