Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
