the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
