I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
