just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
