how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
two words: eviction party
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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