One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize