end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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