It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
