I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
