hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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