There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
