You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
