He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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