My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
