I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
