that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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