Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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