No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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