remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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