you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
