Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
