I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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