Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize