I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
