this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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