Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
