Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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