may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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