Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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