At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
