I got chris browned last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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