i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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