I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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