...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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