yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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