After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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