what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
