I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
