I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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