Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize