I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize