I think I won the penis lottery.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
