Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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