im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
