I hate all girls vehemently.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
