you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
