I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
