fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
